Ethical Non-Monogamy: Is It Right For You?
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) has become a big trend this year - unsurprising, with all of the other rigid definitions for sexuality becoming blurred. ENM is the practice of having a romantic relationship that isn’t exclusive between two people. It can manifest in different ways in different relationships - such as only one person having multiple relations, only sexual connections, and more. Non-monogamy has been around since the beginning of time, but we’re now figuring out the right way to do it, without bringing in tons of toxicity into the relationship. If you’re considering ENM, you’ve come to the right place. Read on below to see what it’s all about!
Why Choose ENM?
ENM is a consensual agreement between both partners and is not considered cheating. There are many reasons why a couple would choose ENM (1 in 5 couples do), a few being listed below:
- Ability to love multiple people: Some people feel that they have enough love to give to multiple people. Just because they’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean only one person can be loved by them. Along the same lines, they’re capable of loving people outside the relationship while maintaining a love for the main partner.
- Have multiple needs suited: I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had one partner who was able to fully satisfy me in every aspect of my life. For example, a partner who has labrador energy and loves socializing who isn’t able to take finances seriously. ENM is an opportunity to make this more acceptable since others are able to fill in those holes and make you more complete!
- Fluid sexuality: ENM allows for experimentation outside of the relationship, which can allow us to discover ourselves while still maintaining a relationship. If you’re questioning your sexuality, you would be able to explore openly and without cheating or giving up a person who may end up making the most sense in the end.
- Personal beliefs: Partners see monogamy as stifling their personal freedom.
What types of ENM are there?
- Open relationship: Also coined “monogamish”, this is when a couple is mainly monogamous but can have sex with others
- Swinging: Exchanging partners with another couple, giving them more sexual liberty
- Polyamory: Having an open relationship with multiple people (sexual or romantic) like in a circle. Everyone stays informed about this.
- Polygamy: Being married to more than one person (different from the above)
- Polyfidelity: Each member in the relationship is equal and explores sex with others in the relationship.
How To Practice ENM
The most important thing for ENM is open communication. The moment that secrets start building up, it’ll force a wedge into the relationship that leads to its inevitable downfall. Before beginning ENM, it should be widely discussed and planned. Some great questions to work out include:
- What will the boundaries of our relationship be? Is there a limit to how many partners? How much would we want to know about the partners? Do we want to know about the partners prior to sleeping with them?
- What will our long-term relationship goals be? (committed, casual, sexual, etc)
- How will we handle it if a disagreement comes up?
- Do we both want this or is it a one-sided request?
- How will we ensure safe sex?
Is ENM Right For Me?
ENM has a wide range of definitions as explored above, and what’s right for you may not be right for your partner. The first step is deciding if you’d like to do this, personally. Then, bring it up in conversation with your partner to explore answers to all of these questions.
Often, it’ll be clear from that conversation if ENM would work for both of you as a couple. Who knows - for some, ENM is a turn-on! There can be some shame in talking about this topic, so make sure to keep an open mind and stay in a comfortable environment.
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